Neymar, newbies and the Gnawing in Natal. And Beer

From sublime strikes to Suarez bites, the first round of the World Cup of soccer has seen it all.

Favorites like Italy, England and defending champion Spain have gone down to defeat while lesser lights such as Costa Rica, Chile, Greece and Algeria have shown the world that other nations can play the beautiful game as well.

As to Beer Nation, three of the four great world beer powers in the tournament advanced with little trouble (Germany, Belgium and the United States) with only England on their way home to their bitters and stouts, not to mention the bitter shouts of recrimination they will hear from the press.

But I don’t want to pile on England; there were many far more compelling stories from the first round.

The Rise of CONCACAF

Respect has been a long time coming for North America and its pals in soccer but maybe now, after three of the four CONCACAF representatives are through to the Round of 16, we can get some love. Los Ticos of Costa Rica, shocking both Uruguay and Italy, became the first team to qualify; the Americans played well enough to advance in Group D; and Mexico surprised a lot of people to qualify out of a tough Group A, highlighted by an all-world performance by keeper Guillermo Ochoa in drawing with mighty Brazil.

Magnificent Goals

It started with Robin Van Persie’s diving header in the Dutch team’s 5-1 dismantling of Spain, but by the time the game was over he got goal-of-the-tournament competition from teammate Arjen Robben. Australia’s Tim Cahill’s gorgeous strike off the bar against the Dutch in the following match deserves consideration as well. Brazil’s Neymar; Argentina’s Lionel Messi, Chile’s Jorge Valdivia; Wilfred Bony of Ivory Coast; and Haris Seferovic of Switzerland also scored cracker goals.

Luis Suarez

Luis Suarez has been muzzled for at least four months

What can anyone say about this man? His debut at the tournament came in the second game and he almost single-handedly broke the hearts of the English with two fabulous goals. Then, in the win-or-go-go-home final match against Italy, he delivered the bite seen ‘round the world on Giorgio Chiellini’s shoulder. The bite was missed by the officials and on the subsequent corner Uruguay scored, eliminating the Italians. Suarez has since been banned from all world football for four months as well as a nine game national team ban, which is of little consolation to Italy.

Officiating

I hate to bring the referees into any World Cup highlight reel; especially this one as we have been treated to some magnificent football. But Fred’s dive in the box in the tournament’s opening match between Brazil and Croatia cannot go unmentioned. What was worse was the phantom call in the final minute of extra time that gifted Greece a spot in the final 16; as was the aforementioned non-call on Suarez in the match which eliminated Italy.

Messi,  Neymar and Muller

The World Cup is the time when superstars shine and Lionel Messi of Argentina and Neymar of Brazil have taken their respective teams on their backs with some brilliant performances. Add in Thomas Muller’s deadly strikes for Germany – he was the 2010 Golden Boot winner – and you have your early goal scoring leaders with four apiece.

More Predictions

Don’t bet the farm on this, as I went just nine of 16 in picking the first round winners. But I’ll give it a go anyway.

Brazil vs Chile. Should be a great game but with the home crowd, Neymar and some decent beer on their side, the Brazilians can’t lose.

Brazilian fans love their football. And we love Brazilian fans

Colombia vs Uruguay. Another South American derby, this one will go to Colombia as they are playing better football and, well, karma’s a bitch.

Netherlands vs Mexico. Both nations produce plenty of beer but the Dutch make better beer and they are also the better team.

Costa Rica vs Greece. Two minnows enjoying their last game before swimming with the sharks. Los Ticos!

France vs Nigeria. The French have been one of the surprises of this tournament thus far. They win.

Germany vs Algeria. Taking the beer out of the equation, the Germans are simply the superior squad. The Algerians have done well to get to this point but their run ends here.

Argentina vs Switzerland. Messi against the Swiss. No contest.

Belgium vs United States. One beer superpower goes down here. I’m betting it’s the USA.

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I made my first visit to Toronto’s famed Indie Ale House and while there was no Cockpuncher IIPA in the bottle shop, they did have Instigator, their signature IPA. Very impressive. Pours a cloudy orange and packs a pungent punch in the nose with citrus hops and then bam! Right in the kisser with a bitter finish of tropical fruit and pine. Really smooth – almost creamy – and it boasts an intoxicating aroma. Awesome label too.

Kaaad Spring IPA is out of Amager Brewing of Denmark. First Danish beer I’ve had and it was a good one. There’s some pine and resin on the tongue but mostly west coast hops, with citrus, grapefruit and mango prominent. Just enough of a bitter finish to make this an awesome beer. Rate Beer agrees: it scored a 98.

Go Beer!

The Bodacious B.C. Beer Blog

The blog about beautiful beers from B.C. started brewing a couple of weeks ago when my brother messaged me on Facebook and told me he was heading west on business and did I want anything?

Um, yes, dear brother. Yes I do. Please get me a Fat Tug and if you can find it, one of those Double IPAs from Central City Brewing. “I’ll see what I can do,” answered big brother Brian.`

My interest in writing a B.C. beer blog was actually piqued just before that conversation. That’s when the Canadian  Brewing Awards (CBAs) were handed out and Ontario won the overall crown; took eight of nine medals in the IPA, IIPA and Pale Ale categories; and swept the IPAs altogether. Okay, Great Lakes Brewing of Toronto swept that class all by itself, but let’s not quibble.

Anyway, my pal Don said I was crowing a little too much about Ontario’s victory. “Weren’t you born out there?” Yup.  North Vancouver born, Toronto raised and now a proud Oshawa boy. “So give your home province some love,” he said.

“I will,” I said, “when my B.C. beers get here.”

Steve, wearing traditional Kiwi drinking garb

The other reason B.C beer was a high priority for me had to do with Steve, our large ex-pat Canuck living at large in New Zealand. The big fella headed west to Vancouver after our Humber College days and was there at the cusp of the craft beer explosion in Lotus Land. One of his pals in those days was Gary Lohin, an almost equally tall dude who slinged drinks behind the bar at Grouse Nest, the bar at the Grouse Mountain ski resort in beautiful North Van (represent!) with Steve in the 80s.

Today Lohin is the brewmaster and co-owner of Central City Brewing in suburban Surrey, one of B.C’s biggest and probably its best known brewery. Revered as a Beer God on the west coast, Lohin has helped transform the craft beer sector in British Columbia.

“Smart dude; he stuck to his guns,” Steve noted about his pal. “I knew him when we were just punkass bartenders. He started home brewing, then worked for a brewpub, then he became brewmaster there and presto! He’s running this amazing brewery/distillery operation, one of the biggest in BC.”

Lohin’s Red Racer line of beers have won 10 gold medals at the CBAs during the past five years and Central City has been honoured as Brewery of the Year twice– in 2010 and 2012 – so the dude clearly knows what he’s doing.

His signature Red Racer IPA – the top IPA in the country in 2010 – is widely available in Ontario and is damn good. I know this because I’ve had many of them. Steve, sadly, was long gone to New Zealand before Lohin got Central City off the ground and has never tasted his former bartending partner’s creations.

(Poor Steve now suffers in Wellington, N.Z., which rivals San Diego as the craft beer capital of the world, so shed no tears for the lad.)

So when my brother brought back some big bottles of BC’s best, I was a little excited. There was Fat Tug from Driftwood Brewery, the 2011 Beer of the Year and at one time Canada’s highest ranked beer on the prestigious Rate Beer forum. He also found me Amnesiac, a Double IPA from Phillips Brewing with a 94 rating; and Central City’s Red Racer IIPA (also known as Red Betty) was in the package as well.

I also picked up a few other B.C. beers along the way: Hoperation, a Tripel Cross/Belgian IPA from Phillips; and Cutthroat West Coast Ale from Tree Brewing.

Gary Lohin. Beer God of B.C.

The Red Betty was the beer my friends were most anxious to hear about. This nine per cent ABV powerhouse scored 98 on Rate Beer and with an IBU of 90, packed quite a punch. It is also a much decorated beer, having won gold medals at the Canadian Brewing Awards in 2010, 2012 and 2013 in the IIPA category. It poured a dark copper with a thin head with hops that were not as strong on the nose as I’d anticipated. Light citrus with caramel malts on the tongue, Red Betty packed a real nice bitter finish. A very malty and extremely tasty brew.

Fat Tug was the beer I was most looking forward to and it did not disappoint. At seven per cent ABV and 80 IBUs, it has some punch of its own, along with a strong aroma of citrus – especially grapefruit – on the nose and on the tongue. Some pine and biscuit malts helped give it a delicious bitter finish. An outstanding beer. One of my all-time favourites and Rate Beer’s too. It scored 99.

The Amnesiac IIPA clocks in at 8.5 per cent ABV and it poured orange with a thick creamy head. Nice citrus hops on the nose; some sweetness as well. Tastes of tropical fruits and grapefruit and it boasted a bitter finish with big caramel malts and a boozy aftertaste. A big boy beer befitting the angry looking elephant on the label.

Megan Fox once made a movie in B.C.
Did I say Megan Fox? I did say Megan Fox

Cutthroat West Coast Ale had troubles keeping up with this illustrious company. I didn’t taste much in the way of hops and while it had a decent malt base, the beer was unremarkable. Except I just remarked on it, but whatever.

Finally I got to the Hoperation, an interesting mash of two distinct Belgie styles – the Tripel and the Belgium IPA. It poured a hazy yellow with a thick creamy and persistent head. The aroma is of orange, lemon and spices and the taste is mild on the tongue before the malts and the 7.3 per cent ABV kicks in.  Some booze on the finish with floral hops and more spices. An adventurous brew. Cool label, too.

It’s easy to see why B.C. – despite Ontario’s recent winning streak at the CBAs – is still the hotbed for craft beer in Canada. For Steve’s sake, I’m glad I was able to try the IIPA Red Betty from Central City, but if I had to pick a winner, it’s Fat Tug. Simply a sublime beer.

But no worries, Steve. You can tell your friend Gary (if ever you see him again) that his brewery rocks. And if the Beer Gods and Canada Post don’t object, you can taste for yourself when your package of Red Racer IPA arrives at your door. But let’s keep that on the down low, shall we?

*

Bodacious B.C. beers from big brother Brian

I have a backlog of other beers that I need to get to, so I’ll give you two now, including a surprise pick-up at the LCBO in Ajax: Outburst IIPA from Pyramid Brewing of Seattle. At 8.5 per cent and 80 IBUs, this is very strong ale. It poured a lovely copper with a thick creamy head and a pungent hop aroma. I tasted grapefruit and some pine. I got a hint of alcohol but it lacked the powerful bitterness usually found in an Imperial IPA. Still very tasty, and at $4.95 for 650 ml, a helluva bargain to boot.

Resin Bag IPA from Left Field Brewing was the catch of the day when the J Man and I toured the Beaches BBQ and Brew Fest in Toronto recently. A very hoppy beer with grapefruit and orange on the nose, it reminded me a lot of Sculpin, the excellent Ballast Point IPA which scored 100 on Rate Beer. There was some caramel sweetness, but mostly wild citrus flavours. It was a little light on the finish – just 50 IBUs – but overall, a great beer. Rate Beer reviewers scored it 82. I scored it higher.

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Finally, I leave you with a couple of quotes that I can’t get out of my head. First from Steve, during an argument as to which fortified wine was better, sherry or port. (I’m not making this up; I swear.) “Sherry is a cheap back alley Sally,” Steve said. “Port is a classy hookup.” You win, Steve.

And this, from a nice, if a trifle bored woman manning the phones on election night last week, when asked if she was “excited” yet. “Oh yes,” she said. “I’m bursting with fruit flavours.”

Aren’t we all?

Cheers!

Happy Father’s Day (2014)

My Dad got an early Father’s Day present when the J Man and I popped in for a visit on Saturday.

He even received a bonus when I didn’t ask him for money.

It was a nice day all-round for me as Jake and I stopped in at the Beaches BBQ and Brew Fest at Woodbine Park on our way from Oshawa to enjoy the aromas of roasted meat, the sounds of great music and the tastes of some local craft beer. I did, anyway. Jake had ice cream.

From there we toured our way through downtown Toronto before making our way to Downsview and Casa Hendry, to spend some quality time with my Mom and Dad, my brother Brian and his friend Terry.

Also waiting for me at the house was a trio of special B.C. beers Brian picked up for me on a recent business trip, including Fat Tug IPA from Driftwood Brewing of Victoria, the fourth-highest ranked IPA in Canada on Rate Beer with a score of 99. He also brought back a bomber of Central City Red Racer IIPA (97) and an Amnesiac IIPA from Phillips Brewing (94).

Such a wonderful brother. He didn’t even drink any of it either.

I have a wonderful family as well, and a top-notch, A-Number One Dad.

I honoured my father last year with a blog on Shwa Stories. I think it’s a great time to re-print it now. 

Enjoy!

Father’s Day (2013)

"A man can be a father, but not every man can be a dad."

My step-daughter Adrianne used those words to start a blog she wrote about me a few months ago. It was beautiful – made me tear up and everything – and it also made me think about my Dad.

My Dad was 24 when he became a father for the first time. I was ten years older, but I inherited three at once, so at the age of 34 we were even.

The difference – and it was a big one – was that he had ten years to try to get it right. I was jumping into the deep end without a paddle, or a manual for that matter.

It wasn’t easy, I can tell you that. I had my Angry Dad moments. I had my frustrating times, my feelings of powerlessness.

I wasn’t always around either, especially after Jacob was born. I held down three or four jobs at once in his first year and I think Adrianne, who was 18 at the time, spent more time with her little brother than I did.

I love that they developed a special bond that still exists today, but I hated that I couldn’t be there for him. Especially as my Dad traveled all the time on business during my childhood.

I wished he was around more in those days, I really did. But he was there to teach me how to ride a bike, he was there to teach me about the wonderful and wild wide world outside our cottage door, and he was there to look the principal in the eyes and tell him his son doesn’t lie. “If he said it wasn’t his beer on school property, it wasn’t his beer.” Thanks Dad.

As time went on being a Dad got easier for both of us. No less challenging – I think we can both say the older our kids got the more demanding the job became – but easier, because by then we figured we knew what we were doing.

A little delusional on our parts, sure. But the important thing is we persevered. We learned. And we loved.

We still do.

Among the nice things Adrianne said about me in her blog was that I am “always there” for her and her kids. I guess I am, but that’s only because I had the greatest teacher: my Dad.

I’ve never asked him, but I bet Dad hated being away from us when we were kids as much as we did.  He must have hated it, because he has done his best to make up for lost time since then.

To this day my Dad is the one I call when I need help. It’s always been that way. During my first marriage, when my wife and I were having problems, Dad was the one who acted as the referee and smoothed things over.

In the years that followed, Dad was the person I turned to. Especially if I needed money, and that was often. I’ve owned two houses in my life, and neither deal would have happened without the kick-start we received from my parents.

Yesterday I gathered up the clan – ten of us – and we headed out to Toronto to see Mom and Dad. Also known as Grandma and Grandpa. And Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa. We ate chicken wings and salad and other goodies. And we had a good time because we were together.

I was sitting with my Dad on the porch after dinner watching the kids run around the lawn, playing some sort of soccer-football-dodge ball game. And I noted that it had probably been a long time since there were so many people having fun there.

Dad just smiled.

I love you Dad. Happy Father’s Day.

Elections, Flying Dutchmen and 5 Paddles

Ontario voters cast their ballots for a new government Thursday and while most of the polls leading up to the election said the race was too close to call, I had no hesitation handicapping it.

A Conservative minority for Tim Hudak, with the NDP forming the Official Opposition. The ruling Liberals, I predicted, would be decimated as voters would remember the $1 billion gas plant fiasco and other costly scandals (mostly made under former Premier Dalton McGuinty) and send Premier Kathleen Wynne’s government packing.

As it turned out, pretty much the complete opposite occurred, as Wynne strengthened her Liberal Party’s hold on the Legislature in convincing fashion, winning 59 seats and a majority government.

Hudak’s Conservatives limped into second, while Andrea Horwath’s NDP finished a disappointing third.

I guess we can strike ‘Pollster’ of my list of possible new careers.

In my defense, I made my prediction early in the campaign, when there was a short-lived “Anything but the Liberals” trend going. It wasn’t sustainable, thanks mostly to Hudak’s main campaign plank of axing 100,000 public sector jobs, and the airwaves in the final weeks of the race were littered with “Anything but Hudak” ads.

I was still making the Hudak minority call when I showed up at the Pickering-Scarborough East election office Thursday evening for my Media Consortium Correspondent gig, a job I do each Provincial election for my friend and former boss Sandi, who is the District Electoral Officer for the riding.

Sandi, whose Liberal Party roots run deep, sniffed at my assessment and questioned once again why she hires me.

My job was to phone in the poll results to the Consortium Results Centre as they arrived on my desk; usually at five to 10 minute intervals. That left me lots of time to doodle pictures of beer on post-it notes (for inspiration) and to wander in to Sandi’s office to catch the election coverage.

I had already seen the totals for the local candidate, Tracey McCharles (Lib), and knew that she was coasting to re-election with better than 50 per cent of the vote. Those numbers were being mirrored on the TV screen as I realized that Wynne was not only going to win, she was going to win big with a majority government.

Poor Sandi had already suffered through too many surprises over the past 24 hours, what with one of her staffers bowing out the night before to give birth a little prematurely; another broke her leg; and one of her poll station workers suffered a mild heart attack. There were also the usual glitches on voting day, highlighted by a … um…temporarily missing ballot box.

So the results on the night did not surprise her at all. Me? I didn’t see that coming.

(I did call my home riding of Oshawa correctly, with Jennifer French bringing the city back to the New Democratic Party after nearly two decades of Conservative rule by Jerry Ouellette.)

Political satirists will miss Hudak, who announced he was stepping down as leader of the Conservative Party that night. The man looks like a cross between Michael Keaton (“I’m Batman”) and Mr. Bean and I know there are plenty of cartoonists (and internet meme creators) who will be sad to see him gone.

The Beer Store, however, is happy Hudak and his crazy idea about selling beer in corner stores is history. 

The Conservative Party was the only mainstream party which came out in favour of breaking up the Beer Store/LCBO duopoly and there was plenty of chatter on the subject in the months heading into the election.

The issue stayed on the backburner during the campaign, which only proves that craft beer lovers and others seeking change to our archaic beer rules and regulations know that when it comes to casting your ballot to elect your next government there are far more important issues at stake than beer.

I know, I said it. But I’m not taking it back.

*

With my election predictions on the toilet, I was hoping to get something right this week and what better place to start than the World Cup of Soccer, which kicked off on election night.

I made predictions on the preliminary round a few days before and the first big test for my prognosticating abilities came on Friday when the defending champion and world number one ranked Spanish took on the Netherlands, their opponents in the 2010 World Cup Final.

I picked both to advance, but I said the Dutch would win the group on the backs of a victory over Spain in the opening match. Sweet revenge, it would be.

Even I couldn’t have predicted the result, though. The Orange crushed Spain 5-1, dominating the Spanish in all aspects of the game and scoring some spectacular goals in the process, such as the goal of the tournament from Robin Van Persie on the right.

At least I got something right.

*

I have been embroiled in a disagreement of sorts with my Beer Musketeer pals over the relative merits of my local brewery, 5 Paddles Brewing of Whitby.

The point of contention was IPAs, as 5 Paddles’ track record for my favourite variety of beer was spotty at best.

The first three I tried, Narcissism of Minor Differences IPA and an IIPA of the same name, and The Hipster, were weak efforts to say it as kindly as I can. I made the mistake of taking a bottle of Hipster to Donny’s Bar and Grill and we all agreed it sucked.

The main complaint was a lack of any hop flavor, despite the Paddlers throwing a ton of West Coast hops at it.

No problem, I said. I’ll give them another chance, I said. And I did, grabbing a bottle of an IPA called Pinebox a month or so later. It wasn’t outstanding, but I liked it and said so, only to get trashed because I didn’t say it was fantastic.

Hoppy aroma on the nose, with lots of pine. Bitter on the tongue with a decent finish. Not overwhelming but highly drinkable. I like it.

When an Imperial IPA called Imperial Guard (9.5 per cent) hit the bottle shop I snapped that up too. I liked that as well, but I wasn’t enthusiastic enough for the Musketeers, who seemed offended that I continued to frequent this little micro-brewery.

Bracing, very boozy. Hops a bit muted. Pours dark – almost a Black IPA – with a thin head. Very malt-forward, almost sweet. Still need to step up the game with the hops but a powerful pint nonetheless. Bitter and very punchy.

Seems pretty positive, I thought, but I got head shaking and mockery from my pals, who are blessed (spoiled perhaps?)to have local breweries (Amsterdam of Toronto; Nickel Brook of Burlington; and Garage Project of Wellington, New Zealand) who have been cranking out top notch brews for years.

I am far from giving up on 5 Paddles. The quest for the illusive Perfect IPA is not just my dream, but theirs as well.

Cheers!

World Cup, IPAs and Maria Sharapova

The easy part about handicapping the World Cup is picking the two teams which will advance out of each pool. I don't need beer for that. Where my IPAs come in is in selecting the winners head-to-head as we march to the July 13 Final.

Especially as the first match on the horizon in the second round (thanks to the Dutch winning Pool B) is a real cracker: Brazil vs Spain. This game could be the final - it was four years ago - but instead it's a Round of 16 game where either the host nation and heavy favourite Brazil, or the defending champion and number one ranked Spain, goes home.

Except in the case of Brazil, they'd already be home if they lost but they sure wouldn't want to be. Many tragedies would occur if Brazil bowed out in the Round of 16 so ... they won't. Despite my Mom and Dad bringing me back a Spain hat from their latest halfway-round-the-world cruise, Brazil and its Stone/Bodebrown Cacau IPA prevail, 3-1.

Up next is Colombia and Italy and the IPAs are calling for an Italian victory, 2-0. After all, Colombia advanced out of the first round despite having zero IPAs of note. So their run to glory ends here.

The Dutch, meanwhile, use their twin Imperials from De Molen Breweries to coast past the Mexicans (though my pal Don did remind me that I did try a Mexican IPA when I was in Florida) 2-0.

England, with its great brewing history, also advances to the quarter-finals with a 1-0 victory over Japan, while an IPA-less match between Honduras and Nigeria results in the Central Americans producing a small upset, 2-1 in extra time.

While the beers and I were mulling over the next match-up I immediately got distracted by the picture below. See, I am a big fan of young Genie Bouchard and when Maria Sharapova took out the Montrealer in the French Open semi-finals I was a little sad. Then I saw this picture of Sharapova posing with her trophy in front of the Eiffel Tower and, well, all was right in the world.

Russia versus United States. Sharapova's homeland against her adopted home country. A nation with no IPAs of note against a country that produces more quality India Pale Ales than any other. America wins 2-1.

In a match that is all about soccer - seriously, France; you can do better than two IPAs rated over 90 - the powerful Argentines blank Les Bleus 2-0.

Finally, we have little Belgium against Germany, the King of the Beer World and the second choice at this World Cup. For this match I needed to do some serious research that went beyond IPAs, so I decided on a Wheat Beer Challenge.

I tried an Orange Weisse from Amsterdam, a Flemish-style wheat beer; and Stereovision American Kristall Wheat from Flying Monkeys; to represent the Germans. Hoegaarden, a Belgian White Ale (from Belgium no less) and Mill Street's Wit were called on to do the honours for Belgium.

It was no contest. Orange Weisse and Stereovision were both nice, refreshing patio beers. But Hoegaarden, and to a lesser extent Mill Street Wit, were outstanding. Both had citrusy aromas and had lemon and spices on the tongue, with a bit of character on the finish.

Belgium, in an epic upset, sends the Germans packing 3-2.

The quarter-finals kick off with little Honduras - the team that embarrassed us 8-1 in qualifying last year - taking on the U.S. It seems 50 beers rated at a perfect 100 on Rate Beer (and TFC's Michael Bradley) was easily enough to double up the upstarts, 4-2.

Italy's run ends in this round (sorry Santo) as the host Brazilians get a late goal to win 1-0.

Belgium, meanwhile, continues its magical run by beating Argentina in another major upset, 2-1 in extra time. England joins Argentina on the sidelines when they lose to the Netherlands, 3-2.

That takes us to the final four and this is where the IPA analytics break down. The world's greatest and most passionate soccer nation takes on the land of Pliny the Younger and Heady Topper and soccer wins? What's up with that? Anyway, Brazil is off to the final after blanking the Americans 2-0.

The other semi-final has the Netherlands squeezing past their neighbours and beer mentors, Belgium, in a thrilling match that isn't decided until late. 3-2 Netherlands.

So here we have two great soccer nations and two countries that also produce some tasty IPAs; Brazil surprisingly so. It's a match between the only five-time World Cup Champ against a three-time finalist who has yet to taste the ultimate victory.

The drought continues. The Netherland's love of Imperial Stouts over Imperial IPAs comes back to bite them as Brazil wins the game 1-0 and takes their record sixth World Cup.

I can drink to that.

RIP Paul the Octopus. We’ll let IPAs predict the World Cup this time

It’s always tough predicting the outcome of the World Cup of soccer, only the biggest sporting tournament on the globe. But millions try anyway.

Investment banker Goldmans Sachs introduced a statistical model that uses regression analysis, follows a Poisson distribution and makes use of Elo rankings and dummy variables to arrive at a winner.

I have no idea what they’re talking about either, but the system seemed to favour Brazil winning every game in the preliminary round by three or more goals while everybody else tied 1-1. Goldman Sachs predicted the host nation to triumph in the final, 3-1 over Argentina.

EA Sports, meanwhile, is calling for Germany to become the first European nation to win the World Cup on non-European soil, calling for the Germans to beat Brazil 2-1 in the simulated final.

But no simulation or statistical model could hold a candle to the best prognosticator on the planet, the late Paul the Octopus (aka El Pulpo Paul), a former resident of a tank in Oberhausen, Germany. Paul correctly predicted the outcome of eight straight matches in the 2010 World Cup, right up to picking Spain to beat the Netherlands in the final.

Paul died shortly after the World Cup – something about octopi and short lifespans – and no animal or human has risen up to continue his legacy since.

That’s where I come in. Me and beer, that is. Using Rate Beer as my guide and utilizing my vast soccer analysis skills honed as sports editor of the Kenora Daily Miner and News (1983-85) and as a proud member of the Yellow Team (usually) at Wednesday night’s Over-45 league scrimmage night, I am ready to carry on Paul’s good works.

My statistical model puts heavy emphasis on a nation’s love of IPAs and I give some weight to the country’s soccer skills as well. Not too much, though. Let’s not go crazy here.

Let’s start with Group A, which contains the host nation, Brazil, as well as Croatia, Mexico and Cameroon. I didn’t think any of these countries were known to be big craft beer drinkers, but hello Brazil!

The favorite to win this thing by most, Brazil also produces some pretty tasty IPAs. There’s Stone Cacau, an IPA with cocoa that scores a 95 rating ((I’d try that all day) and another winner from the same brewery, Perigosa, an IIPA that scored a 94. There is also an IPA from Colorado Brewery with a 93 and two interesting brews from Invicta – one with 1,000 IBUs – at 89 and 87, respectively.

The other three nations? Not a decent IPA among them, but I have to pick a runner-up, so I choose Mexico, because us CONCACAF countries have to stick together.

Group B is a bit tougher to predict, mostly because it contains the finalists from the last World Cup – Spain and the Netherlands – as well as a dangerous Chilean team and an over-matched but plucky Australian side.

Also because three of the four crank out some fine IPAs. This is the real Group of Death in the tournament.

I didn’t know Spain was even an IPA nation, but they do produce some good ones. There’s Papaya Crash Edition IIPA (100 IBUs and a 98 rating) from Nomada Brewing; Undead IIPA from Kitsch Beer with a 96, two more IPAs at 95, another couple at 94 and an astonishing nine more with scores higher than 90. Who knew? I didn’t.

The Dutch, sandwiched as they are between two great beer nations – Belgium and Germany – have an impressive list of top notch IPAs on their resume, led by two Double IPAs from De Molen Brewing which scored 98s. There are eight others as well, ranging from 97 to 93, on Rate Beer’s Top 50 list. There might have been more, but there were too many Stouts on the list hogging all the glory. It seems the Dutch enjoy their IPAs, but their true passion can be found in the dark soul of the Imperial Stout.

There are many pundits who are picking Chile to play spoiler here, but as their wine-making prowess has not morphed into beer, I’m not.

Australia, meanwhile, makes loads of great IPAs, led by Feral Brewing’s Hop Hog IPA (98), Murray’s Icon 2IPA (98) and Mountain Goat Rare Breed (97). There are several outstanding Black IPAs and nearly a dozen more IPAs at 93 or better before the list ran out. Impressive, but they have no chance of playing beyond the first round.

I pick the Dutch to upset Spain but both teams advance.

In Group C, I pick Columbia to take top spot, despite their inability to produce one decent IPA. They do grow some pretty good weed and are exceptionally talented at drug-related crime but I think it’s time to branch out into beer. Jes saying.

Greece has a just a couple of IPAs scoring 89 or more, but they are the country’s top rated IPAs, so that’s something. Ivory Coast? Not a one.

Japan, meanwhile, has a thriving and growing craft beer industry. Tamamura-Houten House IPA and Baird’s Suruga IIPA are the best at 96 and there are another half-dozen or so scoring over 90, so I pick them to also advance.

Uruguay is the top seed in Group D, but they don’t make any IPAs so they’re toast. Same with Costa Rica, though there are signs of improvement on the IPA front there.

England and Italy are the front-runners here and with England’s great tradition in the production of ales, I have to go with my maternal heritage here. Besides, Merry England invented both the IPA AND soccer.

The Kernel IPA Double Citra (100) and Citra (99) top it off, but there are so many wonderful IPAs the Top 50 list stops at 99.

I didn’t expect Italy to be a great IPA nation but essere sorpeso! They are. There’s a ton of wine-based beers (naturally), but there are very good IPAs as well. Zona Cessarini, as well as an IIPA by Toccalmatto; Birra del Borgo Re Ale Extra; and Surfing Hop IIPA are rated at 98, and Brewfirst Spaceman chimes in at 97. There are a handful of other IPAs at 97 and 96 before the list ran out. Colour me impressed.

Besides, my pal Santo has been urging me for years to back the Azzurri, so there you go.

Group E hasn’t much to offer in the way of good IPAs, so I may have to actually choose on the basis of soccer talent here. Switzerland’s best is 89, Ecuador has none, though it looks like there may be some growth on the horizon, France has a couple over 90, and Honduras has nada. France and Honduras advance.

Argentina leads off Group F, and while there are no IPAs rated higher than 80-something, they are the class of the group and will advance with little trouble. Bosnia-Herzegovina has nothing, Iran has only low-alcohol beers (go figure) and Nigeria doesn’t care for IPAs either, but there is a Guinness Brewery down there, so there may be some love for Stouts.

Nigeria gets the second spot.

In Group G, we have the second Group of Death, both for soccer and for beer (especially for beer), with Germany and the United States going head to head.

Germany, one of the favourites in this tournament and a super power in beer consumption, has just two IPAs in the Top 50 list because of the incredible amount of different styles they offer to beer lovers. Interestingly (and prophetically), their top IPA is Gantaller Brau’s Green Gold IPA, also known as Germany meets USA, because of the use of hops from both nations.

Portugal is the second seed in this group, but because superstar Cristiano Ronaldo may not be 100 per cent (thanks to a curse put on him by a Ghanaian witch doctor) and because they do not produce any IPAs of note, they will not advance. Same with Ghana, which doesn’t deserve to go through anyway. Using witch doctors is dirty pool, I say.

The United States is another story. I don’t normally cheer for our arch-rivals, but star midfielder Michael Bradley plies his trade for TFC now and it is a nation of incredible depth when it comes to IPAs. Russian River’s Pliny the Younger and Pliny the Elder. Alchemist Heady Topper. Need I say more? Okay, I will. Dreadnought IIPA from Three Floyds; Bells Hopslam and no less than three IPAs from Vermont’s Hill Farmstead: Abner, Ephraim and Society & Solitude, all scored perfect 100s on Rate Beer.

In fact, all 50 of America’s best 50 beers scored 100. That is truly impressive.

Germany and U/S advance.

The final pool, Group H, contains one beer superpower, Belgium, along with three beer-drinking panty-waists, Algeria, Russia and South Korea.

So many beers in Belgium, so many styles, led by Quadrupels, Strong Ales and Lambics. So many, in fact, that there wasn’t room for a single IPA on the list. They are out there, however, with a Google search revealing such gems as Chouffe Houblon Dobbelen IPA Tripel, a mash-up of English and American IPA and classic Belgian Tripel, which scored a 99.

Nothing for Algeria or vodka-drinking Russia. South Korea’s top Rate Beer brew was an IPA, but the score was just 50. Ouch.

Belgium and Russia advance.

This blog has gone over 1,600 words already so tomorrow I take it all the way to the final. Me and IPAs, that is.

Cheers!

Ontario crowned King of the IPAs at the CBA

Step aside, Quebec. Take a seat, B.C.  Canada’s craft beer champion – and the undisputed King of the IPAs – is the Province of Ontario.

As an IPA lover and a supporter of Ontario craft beer I have to give props to my province for a near perfect Canadian Brewing Awards performance last weekend in the three categories that really matter: North American Pale Ale, India Pale Ale and Imperial India Pale Ale.

Ontario breweries took eight of the nine available medals in those categories, sweeping the IPA and Pale Ale brackets and taking two of three in the Imperial IPA class,

Ontario also swept the American-style Black Ale category (with the top two being of the Black IPA kind) and took the top two honours in the English-style IPA category as well.

Hell, Ontario had so many outstanding IPAs this year they had to put Boneshaker from Amsterdam in the Amber/Red Ale category. Gold Medal there too.

The real star at the annual event was Great Lakes Brewery of Toronto, which not only swept the classic India Pale Ale category, but capped the evening with its second straight Brewer of the Year title, a very impressive accomplishment for the 27 year-old brewery.

The 1-2-3 IPA finish for Great Lakes was led by Thrust! IPA (gold), followed by Karma Citra (silver) and My Bitter Wife in the bronze position.

That’s the first time any brewery has swept the IPAs in the Canadian Brewing Awards’ seven-year history and 2014 is the third year in a row Karma Citra has found itself near the top, taking top honours in the category the past two years before being squeezed off the gold medal podium this year by brewery mate Thrust.

I’ve had all three, with My Bitter Wife (sooo good) being my personal favourite as well as my go-to beer this spring, but a bronze – matching the bronze the beer received in 2010 – will have to do this year.

Burlington had the spotlight for North American Pale Ales, with Rhyme & Reason (Collective Arts) and Naughty Neighbour Pale Ale (Nickel Brook) earning the top two spots. Pinball Wizard, the product of Get Well Brewery’s nano-brewery in Toronto’s Little Portugal, finished third in the voting.

With Collective Arts and Nickel Brook merging this year to form Arts and Science Brewery, that’s a pretty good one-two PA punch for the ‘new’ brewery.

In the Imperial IPA category another Nickel Brook hop monster – Immodest IIPA – took the silver medal this year, with Shoulders of Giants from Barrie’s Flying Monkeys winning the gold medal.

I’ve had Immodest but once and raved about it. I ran into Shoulders at my favourite craft beer bar in Oshawa – Buster Rhino’s – and came back each night for nearly a week until the keg was blown. That’s how good these two beers are. Fantastic, world class IIPAs.

American-style Black Ale medalists this year included Big Rig Black IPA (Big Rig Brewery) and Malevolent Black IIPA (Nickel Brook), as well as Grizzly Beer from Bellwoods.

Mill Street Brewery’s IPA took home gold in the English-style IPA class, with Magnotta Brewery’s True North India Pale Ale finishing runner-up.

All told Ontario won 16 gold medals in the annual competition, held this year in Fredericton, New Brunswick, far ahead of traditional rivals B.C. (which did boast the Beer of the Year, Sasquatch Stout from Old Yale Brewing) and Quebec, which finished with nine and eight gold medals, respectively.

Stand proud, Ontario. The best beers in Canada are brewed right here in the land of the Trillium. As for the nation’s best IPAs? It’s not even close.

*

With Great Lakes being the star of the Canadian Brewing Awards and me being in Toronto last week, it was only natural that I drive 10 miles or so out of my way to visit the brewery, which is located in south Etobicoke, just a few wobbly minutes from Rob Ford country.

This is a brewery I was actually planning on visiting months ago, after googling ‘Great Lakes Brewery’ and finding a whole slate of IPAs to try. “We gotta go,” I told my friend Cat.

A couple of days pass and I re-check the web page, only to discover that I had been looking at the home page of Great Lakes Brewing of Cleveland, Ohio.

Damn.

Turned out the Toronto Great Lakes Brewery (henceforth to be known as GLB, to avoid any confusion) had no IPAs at the bottle shop at that time, so I dismissed them out of hand and we visited Amsterdam Brewery instead.

I have long since learned the error of my ways and, in fact, adopted My Bitter Wife as my top IPA choice throughout the spring. As soon as I saw one in the LCBO, I bought one. And repeat.

It’s a simple but effective strategy.

So, a few days before GLB was named Brewer of the Year – for the second straight year – and swept the IPA category at the Canadian Brewers Awards, I found myself at the brewery. And oh happy day, they were having a party for me.

Live band, fried meat, Argonaut cheerleaders. The whole nine yards.

And beer. I had a Limp Puppet, a session IPA that is perfect when you’re in a bit of a hurry and have a long drive ahead. The bottle (and the chalkboard sign at the bar) says it’s 3.2 per cent ABV, but the GLB buy who sold it to me said they lied. It’s 3.8 per cent, he insists.

Either way it’s the most sessionable IPA I’ve ever heard of, much less tried. The citrusy hops were a bit muted but still noticeable and there was enough malt backbone to make it agreeable. But, at just 25 IBUs it’s hardly a proper IPA.

As a summer backyard session beer, however, Limp Puppet does the trick.

Perhaps not the most appropriate name as well, especially with beautiful Argo cheerleaders around – my pal Steve hated it (the name, not cheerleaders) – but who can argue with the two-time Canadian Brewer of the Year, who lately have been getting everything right?

Well, they could have stocked more IPAs in the bottle shop. My Bitter Wife, for one.

But I think that’s how this story started.

Cheers!