The (tad late) 2016 Beer of the Year blog

It may be a month into 2017 as I write this, but when it comes to end of year Best-Of lists it's better late than never.

I didn't get out as much as I would have liked last year and meagre resources also meant I didn't experiment outside my comfort zone nearly as often as I wanted. But that seems to be changing, as my last two beers I enjoyed at the bar were a Peanut Butter Stout and an Oatmeal Brown Ale.

So there's hope for this IPA guy.

But oh, those IPAs...

So let's start there, with 16 India Pale Ales that I especially enjoyed (usually repeatedly) last year:

Juicin (Sawdust City); Aromatherapy (Beyond the Pale); 60 Minute IPA (Dogfish Head); Bronan (High Road); Boots Electric (Manantler); Liquid Swords (Manantler); Handshake (Green Flash/Alpine); Sculpin (Ballast Point); My Bitter Wife, Octopus Wants To Fight and Karma Citra (Great Lakes); Fat Tug (Driftwood); Headstock (Nickel Brook); Ransack the Universe (Collective Arts); Moralite (Dieu du Ciel/The Alchemist); and Hop Hunter (Sierra Nevada).

Octopus Wants to Fight IPA

From there I narrowed it down to six: Juicin',a new find from Sawdust City I discovered at the bar in Buster Rhino's in Oshawa, offered a mind-blowing aroma of peach and tropical citrus. It was resiny, juicy and very loveable. Handshake, a collaboration between new San Diego business partners Green Flash and Alpine, was so good I went out of my way to buy it on two U.S. border runs last year. Great Lakes gave me two finalists (no surprise) as Octopus Wants To Fight - maybe the best smelling beer ever - and Karma Citra (grapefruit and tropical fruit with a lingering bitterness) seem to make this list every year. B.C.'s Fat Tug (Driftwood), the always awesome Headstock (Nickel Brook), Moralite from Quebec's famed Dieu du Ciel and Vermont's The Alchemist, and Hop Hunter from Sierra Nevada round out the finalists.

Winner: It could only be GLB's Octopus Wants to Fight, the reigning Mid-Summer Beer of the Year. I pined for this beer, I wrote about this beer and I drank many of these beers. An easy choice in the toughest category.

With 15 nominees, the Imperial India Pale Ale category was also a popular choice for me in 2016. There was Immodest (Nickel Brook) and Imperial IPA (Collective Arts), along with Robohop (Great Lakes) and two from Rainhard: Hop Cone Syndrome and Double Kapow. Sawdust City also gave me two beauties: Bitter Beauty and Twin Pines. Also on the list is Twice as Mad Tom (Muskoka); Witchshark (Bellwoods); Hop Zombie (Epic); Seismic Narwhal (Manantler); Right Kind of Crazy (Powell Street) and four American IIPAs: Alesmith Double IPA, Citracado (Stone), NxS (Stone/Sierra Nevada) and Mach 10 (Bear Republic).

Epic Hop Zombie IIPA

Five Imperial IPAs made my finalist list: Great Lakes's Robohop (my Mid-Summer champ); Witchshark (Bellwoods), the epic Hop Zombie (Epic), the Stone/Sierra Nevada collaboration NxS and a newcomer from Vancouver's Powell Street: Right Kind of Crazy, which tasted like tropical fruit, honey and happiness.

Winner: A tough one this year, but I have to go with the beer that travelled 14,000 kilometres to my apartment door. Hop Zombie from Epic Brewery of Aukland, New Zealand was an orange marmalade delight.

There were three finalists in the Black IPA category: Black Knight (Halo), The Dark Prince (Manantler) and a late entry, Collective Art's Black IPA.

Winner: Black IPA (Collective Arts)

There were five Session IPA's which floated my boat this year: All Day IPA (Founders); Daywalker (Rainhard); Even Keel - Mango (Ballast Point); Steady Horse (Manantler) and The Lumbersexual (Covered Bridge).

Winner (and repeat champion): Daywalker (Rainhard)

For the Triple IPA category I included any beer billed as a double with an alcohol content of 10 per cent or higher. That meant the always fantastic Cockpuncher from Indie Ale House (possibly the best name in beer) had to compete against New Zealand's Four Horsemen of the Hopocalypse (Epic/Liberty/Hallertau/Fork & Brewer); Ruin Ten from Stone and two iterations of Life Sentence from Great Lakes: the original 2015 version made with Chinook hops and the Southern Hemisphere (2016) version, made with Pacifica hops from New Zealand.

Winner: Life Sentence (2015) from Great Lakes.

Juicin' from Sawdust City

The Vermont-Style IPA is a new category for 2016 and I found two that were both better than awesome: Juicin' from Sawdust City and Bronan from newbie High Road of Niagara.

Winner: Juicin' (Sawdust City)

The Red IPA is another newish style making the rounds this year. Think of it as a hopped-up Irish Ale. Just two hit the sweet spot for me. G'Knight from Colorado's Oskar Blues and Red Racer India-Style Red Ale from Vancouver's Central City.

Winner: G'Knight (Oskar Blues)

I always like me a good ESB and I found a couple last year. Equilibrium from Burlington's Nickel Brook and Coast to Coast, a collaboration between Flying Monkeys (Ontario), Garrison (Nova Scotia), Trou du Diable (Quebec) and Phillips (B.C.).

Winner: Equilibrium (Nickel Brook)

One of my favourite categories has always been the American Pale Ale and there were six that knocked my socks off in 2016.

Naughty Neighbour from
Nickel Brook

Naughty Neighbour (Nickel Brook); Monogamy Chinook (Bellwoods); Simcoe Lollihop (Manantler); Grunion (Ballast Point); Rhyme and Reason (Collective Arts) and Pouch Envy (Refined Fool.

You have to be better than excellent to go up against Naughty Neighbour, (my 2015 Beer of the Year), but Grunion from San Diego's Ballast Point was up to the task. But in the end I went with the tried (many, many times - I'm drinking one as I write this) and true.

Winner: Naughty Neighbour (Nickel Brook)

There were several categories with just one finalist, which was not because there weren't more worthy beers, but because I didn't get out much.

Saison: Takes Two to Mango (Indie Ale House)
Belgian IPA: La Formidable (Beaus/Gigantic)
Wheat Ale: Grandstand Hoppy Wheat (Left Field)
Brown Ale: No Agenda (Epic)
Kolsch: Absent Landlord (Cowbell)
Golden Ale: 24 Carrot Golden Ale (Stone/Goldenberg/Monkey Paw)
Sour: Warp & Weft Berliner Weisse (Bellwoods)
Quadrupel: Trappiste 10 (Rochefort)
Belgian Ale: Legendary Muskoka Oddity (Muskoka)

I had my share of delicious Imperial Stouts in 2016, with seven making the cut, including a beer with my face on the label (Legends from Manantler) and a beer I lined up for an hour or so on a cold November day: Bourbon County (Goose Island). The finalists are:

Legends Imperial Stout
from Manantler

Bourbon Barrel-Aged Imperial Solstice Stout and The Imperial Bout (GreatLakes); Legends (Manantler);Kentucky Bastard Bourbon Barrel-Aged (Nickel Brook); Epicurean Coffee and Fig Oatmeal Stout (Epic); Bourbon County - Vanilla Rye (Goose Island); and Hearts Collide - Bourbon Barrel Aged (Rainhard).

Winner: I know, I know. Legends has my face on it. But I'm going with Bourbon County-Vanilla Rye (Goose Island).

In the Sweet Stout category I chose between three worthy candidates:

Aphrodisiaque (Dieu du Ciel); Half Bastard (Nickel Brook); and Sweetback Milk Stout (Rainhard).

Winner: Aphrodisiaque (Dieu du Ciel)

Three Porters made the grade as well:

Smoked Porter (Stone); Stranger than Fiction (Collective Arts); and Grand Cuevee Porter Baltique (Le Trois Mousquetaires).

Winner: Grand Cuevee Porter Baltique (Le Trois Mousquetaires)

Two Pilsners made the cut:  Long Dong Pilsner (Great Lakes) and the legendary Pilsner Urquell.

Winner: Long Dong Pilsner (Great Lakes). Again.

Best Double Play (IPA & APA)

Great Lakes could have several IPAs (Octopus Wants to Fight, Karma Citra, My Bitter Wife) to pair with their excellent Canuck Pale Ale, while Headstock and Naughty Neighbour are both regulars in my fridge. I'll add an international representative as both Sculpin (IPA) and Grunion from Ballast Point were the bomb.

Winner: Nickel Brook (Headstock & Naughty Neighbour)

Best Triple Play (IPA, IIPA & APA)

Great Lakes is nominated again with Octopus, Canuck and Robohop and Nickel Brook has Headstock, Naughty Neighbour and the most delicious Immodest as competition.

Winner: Great Lakes (Octopus/Canuck/Robohop)

International Brewery

I wanted a category to honour the foreign breweries that have supplied me with fantastic beers over the past year. In any other year Stone, the San Diego County brewery that can do no wrong, would win this easily. but they were not even my favourite U.S. brewery in 2016: that prize would go to Ballast Point. But the champ has to be Epic, the New Zealand brewery that sent me free beer from the other side of the world. Just because I asked.

Winner: Epic Brewery

Brewmaster

The Brewmaster category has the usual suspects of Ryan Morrow (Nickel Brook/Collective Arts) and Mike Lackey (Great Lakes), but I have added two more this year: Luke Nicholas (Epic) and Jordan Rainhard (Rainhard).

Winner: Mike Lackey (Great Lakes). About time.

Brewery of the Year

My three finalists in this category are the creme-de-la-creme of Ontario breweries:

Great Lakes, Nickel Brook and Rainhard.

Winner: It can only be Great Lakes.

That leaves only the top prize: Beer of the Year. I narrowed this list down from pretty much every beer I have already mentioned to eight wonderful brews:

Octopus Wants to Fight, Karma Citra and Robohop - all from Great Lakes; Hop Zombie from Epic; Naughty Neighbour and Headstock from Nickel Brook; Absent Landlord from Cowbell; and Bourbon County Vanilla Rye from Goose Island.

Winner: The one. The only. Octopus Wants to Fight IPA (Great Lakes).

Cheers!

Santa Don arrives bearing gifts

Catching up with old friends is fantastic. Catching up with old notes to write about it when you've moved and can't find them is ... less fantastic.

I was all set to write about Santa Don and our lunch together pre-Christmas when I discovered the notepad I was using somehow found its way into one of the many boxes stored in the garage post-move. But I couldn't just say the hell with it (well, I could. I just decided not to) and push on to the next blog I've been neglecting since 2016 ended.

After all, my old college roomie and Beer Bro Don - henceforth to be named Santa Don - had brought a Christmas gift for my boy, a bunch of delicious beers from Hamilton's Collective Arts Brewery for myself (Jake is only 14 - he can't have any. I am a responsible parent) AND bought me a beer glass.

That St. Nick-like act of generosity could not go unmentioned.

So I'll go from memory.

Don. In a limo. Drinking beer.

I let Santa Don (you know what? I'm just gonna call him Don. So much shorter) decide on the place and he chose Indie Ale House. Good choice. I told him the secret place to park (just look for the pigeons), which he discovered before also discovering the brew pub was closed.

Where to now? he texted me. After safely and legally pulling over on busy Dundas in Toronto's west end, I texted him back: "Rainhatd. I mean Rainhard, bro. It's just around the corner." And despite the fact I was ten minutes behind him and the other fact that Don was now in his old stomping grounds, I beat him to Rainhard (located in the old Stockyard district) by nearly ten minutes.

Where I made the discovery that this brewery was also closed. No worries, the dude said. I can still sell you some beer.

I love craft beer people.

Don eventually shows up and I apprise him of the situation while we exchanged gifts. For the record, I did bring gifts as well. Sort of. I sacrificed my last can of Life Sentence, the awesome Triple IPA from Great Lakes, as well as a never used gas pump thing that dispenses beer (I wish I had taken a picture) that had been gathering dust in a place of honour in my apartment but now, with my move underway, had to go.

Rainhard's most delicious Hearts Collide
 Bourbon Barrel-Aged Imperial Stout

From Collective Arts I got their Imperial IPA and their Black IPA, which are both new and both amazing. The Black IPA jumped right to the top of my list for best Black IPA of 2016, in fact.

(Great beers. Boring names. I hereby offer my services as a beer name writer, because that should be a thing. It's a thing in New Zealand, where this luck skill has helped Neil Miller achieve legendary status. And deservedly so.)

So we went inside, where Jordan Rainhard and his staff were doing those important things brewers do when they're closed. Eat lunch and talk about beer-y things.

And we bought beer. A six-pack of Jordan's excellent Armed 'N Citra Pale Ale and a bottle of Daywalker (my all-time favourite Session IPA) each, while I chose the Hearts Collide Bourbon Barrel-Aged Imperial Stout and Don opted for the Pilsner. And he bought me a Rainhard-branded glass for my massive (a dozen, maybe?) beer glass collection.

And then we were off for lunch at nearby Bryden's, which boasted great service, decent food and an extensive beer list. I remember both of us having Headstock, Nickel Brook's world class IPA which I have had a few hundred times and Don - who lives around the corner from the brewery - a few thousand times. But never in a bar.

Strange.

Anyway, that's all I remember about the day. If you need to fill in the blanks read Don's Brew Ha Ha blog from December 22 . Twas the Night Before Christmas. Fair warning: Don makes fun of me and makes several references to my great age. I just want you to know that Don is, in fact, much older than I.

For the record.

Glenncore at Manantler

My buddy Trevor - the world's sexiest cellarman - messaged me in early December to tell me there was a new beer at Manantler that had my name on it. Figuratively, anyway.

Eldo, it was called, a Pale Ale made from Eldorado hops, and he warned that I better "come by and get some of this before it's gone."

Manantler Eldo. It's Glenncore good

And then he added the kicker: "It's total Glenncore."

I chewed over that statement for a minute, finally arriving at the conclusion that he meant it was something I would love. Hard core Glenn, if you will.

Then he elaborated. "I think I know Glenncore and I'm certain this is what your blood would taste like. Blood type IPA-positive, right?"

I'm fairly certain Trevor is not a vampire so I took that in the best possible way and told him he was right (I lied - it's really A-Negative) and said I would be at the brewery forthwith. Or something like that.

Was it Glenncore? I dunno, but it was damn good. Tropical fruit, a hint of pineapple and something a little more exotic on the nose, along with a bit of sweet malt. Some stone fruit (maybe apricot?) on the tongue with something milder. Pear, I think. A tasty brew.

For safety purposes I told Trevor that if he ever saw me bleeding out on the street to administer blood first. Then beer. In that order.

Cheers!

Bourbon County and the awesome Beer Share

It sat in rye whisky barrels for a year, waiting for me to line up for an hour or so on a chilly late November day in uptown Toronto to pay a record price (for me) of $35 to buy it.

It then sat on my kitchen counter for another year, with a 40-ouncer of Captain Morgan Dark Rum (opened once) and a bottle of Windex (used at least twice) for company.

It was Goose Island's Bourbon County Vanilla Rye Imperial Stout, one of the top 50 rated beers in the world, and I was (understandably) eager to drink it.

I had originally asked my friend Sarah (formerly known as My IPA Girl), partly because of her vast knowledge of all things beer and partly (okay, mostly) because her beer cellar was even vaster (that's a word, right?) and filled with rare and exotic beauties.

But Sarah has a busy social calendar and we couldn't settle on a date, and with the one year anniversary of my Black Friday purchase fast approaching, I needed to find someone to share this beer with.

In the words (sort of) of Uncle Ben, with great beer comes great responsibility.

My epiphany came while sitting at the bar (second only to the toilet for Deep Thoughts) in early November. My server was Jessica, the newly promoted manager at Buster Rhino's and one of my all-time favourite people.  And something clicked.

"Jess," I said, Deep Thoughts successfully forcing their way to the surface, "how would you like to share a bottle of Bourbon County?"

Jessica, myself and Matt. In case you weren't sure

Of course she said yes and when I asked her to bring her boyfriend my devious plan was set. Jess knows a thing or two about beer and had quite a few prizes in her beer cellar; a fact I did not know until that moment. But her man Matt takes beerology to another level: he owns the Brewer's Pantry, a brewers' supply store, and is a homebrewer and frequent collaborator with several of Durham's breweries on one-off beers. His cellar is also full, I might add.

This bottle share is going to go well, I think.

The date was set for a few days after Black Friday and we decided on Jessica's parent's house as a venue because it had, in Jessica's words, a "kick-ass" basement.

And on the appointed hour I rang the door bell and was greeted by Jess' parents, who were almost unbelievably as adorable as their daughter - seriously - and also unaware that I was coming.

Jessica ...

They invited me in anyway and we chit-chatted while they continuing playing a board game I had never heard of (I would learn they were board game fanatics) before I ventured down to the "kick-ass" basement to await Jess and Matt.

It was definitely kick-ass, with wall-to-wall board games (I did say they were fanatics), a jukebox, crokinole table, dart board and other leisure games, along with an adorable (of course) dog for company.

So I happily threw a few rounds of darts while I waited for my hosts to arrive. Which they eventually did, bringing food with them.

You are both forgiven.

Because you can never have too
many pics of these two

We started with the Bourbon County (Vanilla Rye) Imperial Stout - because that's in the headline of this blog - and I must admit I was just a teeny bit apprehensive. Four of the six variations of this annual Goose Island release were found with unwanted bacterial infections, causing the beer to become sour.

No infections were discovered with the Vanilla Rye release and as soon as we drank it we knew we had nothing to worry about.

It was fantastic.

Beautiful pour and lots of dark fruit on the nose, with a hint of licorice. Plums, dates and other ripe things on the tongue, though the vanilla was very subtle - after two years something’s gotta give, Matt noted.  A bit of booze as well. This was an extremely rich and decadent Christmas cake kind of beer. Really amazing stuff.

Jessica and Matt agreed. "Really nice. Tastes like a dessert," said Jess, who did pick up the vanilla flavours. "Really smooth and rich."

Matthew got a lot of booze, "but in a good way." Sweetness was also prominent, he added, along with black licorice.

Even though an Imperial Stout was released with my face on it in 2016, this could be my Stout of the Year.

Next up was something from Matt's cellar: Grand Cuevee Baltic Porter, a 10 per cent porter (brewed in 2013) from Quebec's famed Le Trois Mousquetaire brewery that was made from lager yeast.

This beer was also the bomb, with licorice, coffee and chocolate on the nose. It was complex and
smooth with red wine flavours (!), but not as rich as the stout. And the ten per cent alcohol was well hidden.

Looks like I have my Porter of the Year.

We also had an informative discussion (and, at times, a spirited debate) on hops, with Matt doing most of the informing and me doing most of the Polly-Annin'. "What hops shortage?" I cried."Hops for all!"

Wisely, we got back to the beer.

My final beer of the night came from Jessica's cellar: Warp & Weft, a 7.5 per cent Sour Brett Ale from Bellwoods that had been aged in tequila barrels before a further year of cellaring down in that kick-ass basement.

It was sour and tart on the nose, with an effervescence not unlike a sour ginger ale. Jess picked up on the tequila flavours while I did not. It tasted limey, even a bit salty.

It was delicious. And probably my Sour of the Year.

So let's recap: three new beers. Check. Potentially three category winners for Beer of the Year. Double Check. Great company with great people? I think that's where I write, "Priceless."

My most delicious $35
bottle of Bourbon County
Vanilla Rye

Yeah, I think I made an excellent choice for this bottle share.

***
A few days before our date I was at my pal Rodney's place and I was bragging about my $35 bottle of beer when I was asked how much the bottle was worth now. "Oh, we in the craft beer world wouldn't sell beer," I said rather smugly to pal Greg, who runs a flea market booth and a scrap business and knows the value of most things. "We share it."

A few clicks on his phone later and I was proven wrong. Greg had found a website - Beerblackberry.com - that declared a recent listing for the bottle for $227, with a 30-day average selling price of $207.

Well. You learn something new every day.

Paul Thebeerguy or Paul Thebeersaint?

When Paul Thebeerguy called to say he had some beers for me from one of his (almost) daily brewery visits and could we meet at Brock Street Brewery for a cask tapping, I said "Paul!"

You had me at beer.

It's like there's TWO Paul Thebeerguys!

So we met at the brewery - one of Paul's favourite hangouts - to await the ceremonial tapping of the cask, which was filled with a five per cent Sour Cherry Chocolate Milk Stout. And while we were waiting we enjoyed a flight of Brock Street beers. I'd like to tell you what beers we tried, but this was a couple of months ago and my notes seem to have disappeared into the ether.

I do know I enjoyed the ESB. Yeasty, malty, hoppy, with a touch of sweetness. Not bad for the style and I like me a good ESB

The cask was a little underwhelming, though the ceremony - with bagpipes and all - was very cool.

The trip was more about having a pint with Paul and the beer share than the cask, anyway. This was, as I mentioned, a couple of months ago and the only notes I have are of the beers Paul gifted me. Nothing of what I gave him in return.

I know I gave his something. I even asked Paul and he couldn't remember either. And as I write this I've given up trying to remember.

Oh well ...

What I got from Paul Thebeerguy I remembered very well. There was Yuzu Pale Ale from Radical Road Brewing (Queen Street, Toronto):

Brock Street's Sour Cherry Chocolate Milk Stout

Delicious hoppy aroma. Tangerine and tropical fruit and something citrusy and exotic, which is the yuzu, I presume. Bubbly and refreshing on the tongue. Lemon-lime and peppery flavours. A bit harsh but still nice.

And there was an excellent double play from Left Field, which is located about a mile away from Radical Road. The first one I tried was their Imperial IPA, named after baseball's classic short-to-second-to first double play: 6-4-3.

Strong grapefruit and orange aroma.. Resiny citrus, some pine, and a bit of lime. Slightly sweet. Nice bitterness.

The second turned out to be my favourite: Grandstand Hoppy Wheat, a 5.5 per cent 40 IBU beauty that checked off all the boxes for me. 

Peach, lemon and a bit of funkiness on the nose. Tastes like grapefruit, bitter orange, wildflowers and weetabix had a party and my tongue was invited. Great stuff. 

And that's why the social media world may call him Paul Thebeerguy, but to me he's Paul Thebeersaint.

And dammit! I know I gave him something.

The Why I haven't written a beer blog in months blog

I haven't written an original beer blog in nearly three months. I haven't had anything worthwhile to say on Facebook or any other social media platform in a long time either.

My voice has left me.

I try to stay consistent in my writing but it has been difficult in the past year and especially of late. I still come up with ideas and occasionally (but not often) pearls of wisdom and funny shit, but I cannot sustain it long enough to produce anything of quality.

Which, of course, puts extra pressure on me, as well as great gobs of guilt. Which makes it worse.

Of course.

Anyway, in my soul searching to understand why I can't finish a blog, I realized I'm not going to be able to write a blog about beer until I write a blog about why I haven't been able to write a blog about beer. Or anything else.

This is that blog.

I suffer from depression.

I've suffered for most of my adult life but didn't really identify it as such until more recently. And I'm not alone, as eight per cent of Canadian adults will experience major depression in their lives: that's nearly three million of us.

I know there are many people out there who have it far worse than me. I don't have suicidal thoughts, as I have always believed the situation couldn't possibly get any worse. I've been wrong on that a few times, but that's what I believe and I'm sticking to that.

But I don't want to minimize how I feel either.

The Black Dog, as others call it, can be all-consuming, turning an otherwise ordinary sunny day into darkness. That to-do list for what I hoped was to be a productive day? It would still sit, untouched, on the counter while I escaped to bed for a nap that could take up half my day. Or I'd find refuge in another escape or two: smoking weed (if I have some) or over-eating.

My social life outside of my two jobs is practically non-existent. Being 57, depressed, out of shape (though unbearably handsome) and stuck in a job that no longer makes me happy does not make me an attractive prospect; I get that. I've been on two dates in the last year, and my last girlfriend? Actually, let's not go there at all.

My confidence has left the building. I need it to come back.

I respect TSN's Michael Landsberg and his mantra #sicknotweak but it is hard for me to buy into it. A lifetime of hearing about pulling up your bootstraps, and just do it! makes it difficult to think beating depression or any other mental illness is as easy as, well, pulling up your bootstraps and just doing it.

And no, I don't know what bootstraps are either.

I am (for the most part) fully functional. I get up and go to work every day - I haven't missed a day in nearly a year - and I try to be dedicated to my parental responsibilities.

But it's like I'm living in a fog, and that fog is getting thicker each day.

Writing is not easy at the best of times and it's nearly impossible during the worst of times. As a working journalist I could churn out stories on time and with little difficulty and when I started blogging in 2013 I was writing three blogs a week. Hell, two years ago I was churning out ten each month.

But those were better times. I had the cash to fund a trip to Florida for myself and my youngest son - our third consecutive year of actually taking a holiday - and I was a much happier man. Now I struggle to pay the bills and I no longer push myself hard to make deadlines, which are self-imposed anyway as my freelance career dried up nearly a decade ago. I figured I already put enough pressure on myself, so it's wouldn't be healthy to force myself to do something that isn't a high priority.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized writing IS important to me. It is my outlet, my way of expressing who I am to those who want to hear it.

That's a lot of pressure.

It's not like I don't know what to do. Taking a positive outlook on life is critical if I want to be happy (and I do) and that used to come easily to me. Not any more. I've tried professional help, with mixed results, though my last sessions were productive. That was many years ago, though.

I still keep in touch with my counsellor (we play soccer together in an over-45 league on occasion) so I plan on giving that (and the soccer) another go.

I also have a really supportive family, and I want to give a special shout-out to my Mom and Dad - who helped free me from a financial mess - and to my son Cameron, who took in dear ol' Pops in his time of need on a temporary basis. I have a few friends I can count on as well (thanks for bending an ear Don), so there is light in the darkness. There is hope. As they say in New Zealand, Kia Kaha (Stay Strong).

Depression can be beaten, and I will beat it.

Today is January 25, also known as #Bellletstalk day. So I'm talking. Thanks for listening.

Cheers!