Mid-Summer Beer of the Year (2016)

As the weather warmed the number of absolutely stellar IPAs that have passed my lips in 2016 has been astounding; not surprising considering my love affair with the hops.

But while the diversity of the beers I enjoyed this year wasn't exceptional (I blame budget constraints) there was one non-traditional style (for me) that became a big favourite in my books: Stouts.

The volume of Stouts wasn't high - my usual buy was one bottle at a time - but the quality of this classic winter warmer was off the charts. While IPAs stole my heart long ago, it's the Stout category that gets the honour of kicking off my annual (and a few weeks late) Mid-Summer Beer of the Year blog.

There were five exceptional Imperial Stouts that grabbed my attention this year, including Stone Brewery's 20th Anniversary Bitter Chocolate Oatmeal Stout (rich and ripe dark fruit, bitter chocolate, coffee with lashings of dark malts and molasses); The Imperial Bout from Great Lakes (looks like a chocolate milkshake, tastes bitter yet velvety smooth); Kentucky Bastard Bourbon Barrel-Aged Imperial Stout from Nickel Brook (impressive beer with a bourbon-boozy finish);  Epicurean Coffee & Fig Oatmeal Stout from Epic Beer of New Zealand (smooth and rich and very good); and Imperium - also from Epic - which boasted a big taste of roasted malts and bitter chocolate.

The Imperial Bout from GLB

Throw in a bottle of Aphrodisiaque from Dieu du Ciel (black coffee, toasted malts and deliciousness at just 6.5 per cent) and I had a helluva Stout season.

The winner, after some arguing between some of my personalities, was The Imperial Bout (Great Lakes)

Another beer style I learnt to truly appreciate this year was the Pilsner. I scored the original - Pilsner Urquell - as well as a few twists on the original: Great Lake's Long Dong Pilsner (a long-time favourite and the defending champ in this category); Awakening from Epic; and Epiphany #2 from Black Oak.

The winner, and still champ, was Long Dong Pilsner (Great Lakes)

There were so many fantastic IPAs and IIPAs this year I decided to establish a  few separate categories, including the one-offs - the one-hit wonders that were especially good but hard to find in quantities. The fruit-infused IPAs got their own slot as well and I'm sure I'll come up with a few more as I write this.

In the One-Off IPA category there were five that were off the charts: Handshake, a collaboration celebrating the union of San Diego brewers Green Flash and Alpine that I called outstanding; Hop Hunter from Sierra Nevada; Armageddon from the great folk at Epic Brewing of Auckland, New Zealand; Moralite from Montreal's Dieu du Ciel; and Bellwoods' Roman Candle.

I chose Handshake, which was very citrusy-sweet on the nose with a spicy, deliciously bitter finish. An outstanding beer I will definitely look for this on my next border trip, assuming they still make it.

There were four IIPAs I considered in the One-Off IIPA class, including Rampant from New Belgium; NxS IPA, a collaborative effort from Sierra Nevada and Stone (aka the brewery that-can-do-no-wrong); Witchshark from Bellwoods; and Stone's Enjoy By 07-04-16. It was tough choosing between NxS and Witchshark - both world class doubles - but I decided on an old favourite for the win.

The winner: Witchshark

I found a couple of solid Fruit-Infused IPAs this year, including Disco Soleil (Kumquats) from Dieu du Ciel; and my winner, Hop Nosh Tangerine from Uinta (Salt Lake City), with, you guessed it, Tangerines.

I had a couple of world class Triple IPAs in 2016. Four Horsemen of the Hopocalypse - a collaboration between New Zealand brewers Epic, Hallertau, Liberty and Fork & Brewer; and Life Sentence, a Great Lakes/Amsterdam team effort that has been gone from this world since last winter. It was Life Sentence for the win.

I also cried tears of happiness over my annual tasting of Cockpuncher, an 11 per cent hop boss from Indie Ale House that is my winner in the Triple IPA disguised as a Double IPA category, and enjoyed my first Quadruple IPA, the rare and intimidating 120 Minute IPA (18 per cent) from Dogfish Head.

Beau's Farm Table IPA

Brew Dog of Scotland's Punk IPA repeated as Hybrid IPA champ, while my winner in the just created Best Bang for your Buck IPA is Farm Table IPA from Beau's, which is $4.55 for 600 ml of six per cent goodness and has become my go-to IPA lately. There was just one finalist and winner among Black IPAs: The Dark Prince from Manantler.

I can't forget the Belgian IPA category, which featured La Formidable (Beau's/Gigantic) and Catherine Wheel (Bellwoods) this year. Beau's wins again with the always reliable and usually available La Formidable. It's also a beer that sounds awesome when you say it in French: For-me-dab. Very sexy.

There were several Session IPAs that stood out this year. Daywalker from Rainhard was magnificent; Sunnyside from Great Lakes was  delicious, All Day IPA  from Founders (Grand Rapids, Michigan) was tasty as always and I happily welcomed back Steady Horse from Manantler just a few weeks ago. The winner was citrusy yet creamy and one of my favourite beers of the year: Daywalker.

A new category this year is Vermont-Style IPA and I found my champion on my way to the Tragically Hip concert earlier this month: Bronan from High Road Brewery of Toronto.

Because I cannot live on IPAs alone there were other category winners, including:

Old Ale -  The Observer (Epic)
Hopfenweisse - All or Nothing
Imperial ESB - Coast to Coasters (Flying Monkeys/Phillips/Garrison)
Brown Ale - No Agenda (Epic)
Soured Beer - Coriolis Effect (Sawdust City)
Saison - Takes Two to Mango (Indie Ale House)

There was also the India Pale Lager category ('cause why not) and we have a clear winner with Cameron's Brewing, who has created the outstanding 12 Mile India Pale Lager.

Two One-Off Solo Finalists that Knocked My Socks Off also shone this year, causing me to run out and buy more socks. There was 24 Carrot Golden Ale (Stone/Juli Goldenberg/Monkey Paw), a Stone-sponsored Imperial Golden Ale homebrew winner (tweaked a bit with the help of Stone and Monkey Paw) that tasted EXACTLY like carrot cake, icing and all. Fantastic and unique.


The second is a Kolsch - a 'Country Kolsch' from a Sarnia brewery that twisted the Kolsch rules (the yeast was added at warm temps rather than cold and there was a big addition of non-traditional hops) - that proved too much for the snooty raters on Rate Beer. They trashed it. I loved it. Tart and fruity and smooth, I did my best to bump up the score of Absent Landlord (Cowbell).

There were several top notch Belgian Ales/Pale Ales, including Neon Wasteland (Rainhard) and Legendary Muskoka Oddity (Sawdust City), as well as Continental Drift, an excellent Nickel Brook beer billed as a Belgian Pale Ale. My winner is Neon Wasteland.

Two Porters stood out as well: Smoked Porter (Stone) and Stranger Than Fiction from Collective Arts. It was Stone's Smoked Porter for the win.

Five American Pale Ales rose above the rest this year: Simcoe Lollihop and Mosiac Lollihop from Manantler; the always awesome Naughty Neighbour from Nickel Brook; Rhyme and Reason (an old favourite from Collective Arts); and Golden Beach Pale Ale from Sawdust City. The winner is last year's Beer of the Year: Naughty Neighbour.

And there be more IPAs...

I narrowed the Imperial IPA category to nine, which was difficult with so many magnificent doubles out there. I loved Hop Cone Syndrone from Rainhard; Seismic Narwhal from Manantler  was outstanding as ever; Twice As Mad Tom was just as delicious as always; Hop Zombie, which came all the way from New Zealand (it's a long and oft-told story), was spectacular; Twin Pines (Sawdust City) was brilliantly bitter; Robohop (Great Lakes) was a revelation; The Calling, a recent addition to the LCBO's repertoire from Boulevard Brewery of Kansas City was a wonderful surprise (thank you Duvel of Belgium for bumping up distribution); and Nickel Brook's Immodest was divine. As per usual.

The shocking winner (to me) was the beer with the almost unrivalled aroma: Robohop.

The 2016 Mid-Summer
Beer of the Year: Octopus
Wants to Fight (GLB)

There were even more finalists in the IPA category: 14, in fact. I threw Boots Electric and Liquid Swords (Manantler) in the mix, along with My Bitter Wife, Lake Effect, Karma Citra, Thrust! and Octopus Wants to Fight - all from Great Lakes. There was Instigator (Indie Ale House); Headstock (Nickel Brook); Ransack the Universe (Collective Arts); Sculpin (Ballast Point); Fat Tug (Driftwood); Kapow (Rainhard); and Smashbomb Atomic (Flying Monkeys) rounding out the list.

That's too many finalists, so I pared that list down to a more manageable five, with three coming from Great Lakes: Octopus Wants to Fight, Karma Citra and My Bitter Wife. Headstock and Fat Tug also made me deliciously happy this year.

Despite all this greatness, the decision was easy. Winner: Octopus Wants to Fight (Great Lakes).

I made a list of eight finalists (half came from Great Lakes Brewery) for my Mid-Summer Beer of the Year: Robohop, Naughty Neighbour, 24 Carrot Golden Ale, Daywalker, The Imperial Bout, Long Dong Pilsner, Octopus Wants to Fight and Headstock  - but there could be just one winner.

This beer smelled divine, with mango, pineapple and pine tickling the nostrils and plenty of juicy citrus and delicious bitterness to excite the tongue, and is one of the finest IPAs ever produced. The winner, in a landslide, is Octopus Wants to Fight from Great Lakes.

Cheers!

Countdown to Clarington Beer Fest

The brewery lineup is set. The food trucks have been named. The bands are ready to go.

Now all the Clarington Craft Beer Fest needs is you.

Bowmanville's first craft beer festival, hosted by Manantler Brewing, goes off Saturday at the west side of the historic Bowmanville Foundry brownfield site. Manantler will be joined by Beau's All Natural of Van Cleek, Ontario; William Street Brewing of Cobourg; Port Perry's Old Flame Brewing; Church Key Brewing of Campbellford and Social Lite Vodka.

Jam'eh'Can Eats and Three Six Kitchen & Lounge will be providing the food and six bands are slated to play sets: Jeremiah Taylor, Crown Lands, The Photogenics, West Hammock, Misty Sunshine and Micronite Filters.

Ticket sales are going well in what will be a very busy day in Bowmanville, with the Bluesberry Festival happening just around the corner on Bowmanville's main street.

There will be even more competition, noted event organizer extraordinaire Tasha.

"The Visual Arts Centre is having an event and so is Mosport, so we're doing up flyers for all of them," she said. "We're hoping to get some people to come over after the Bluesberry Festival. It's going to be awesome here all day but the late afternoon will be the best time to come anyway. That's when everything will be really happening."

There will still be a special beer released at the festival, but instead of the German ale to commemorate Camp 30, the WWII POW camp located nearby ("we're still going to do that. Just not yet," explained Tasha), it will be a little different.

Old Man's Paddle Pantry, a collaboration between Old Flame, Manantler, 5 Paddles and the Brewer's Pantry and part of the Dark Knights of Durham series, is a Belgian Style Spiced Table Beer (fenugreek, vanilla beans and chicory) that comes in at just 3.8 per cent and 20 IBUs.

The Tragically Hip's final show from the band's hometown of Kingston will be broadcast live across the country on CBC and Tasha said some of the bands at the festival will likely cover some Hip material during the day. As well, Tasha hopes a few licensing issues can be ironed out so they can show the concert on a projector outside.

"We're working on it."

See you Saturday.

Beer O'Clock

It's been a while since I properly reviewed beers but this blog is not where I am about to start.

But I have had a few outstanding brews in the past couple months - both brand new and old favourites - and I need to make mention of a few. A half-dozen of the best, anyway.

A visit to one of Toronto's best breweries - Rainhard, located in the Stockyard District - produced Hop Cone Syndrome, a beer I first heard of when it won silver at the Canadian Brewing Awards. And no wonder. There was tons of tropical fruit on the nose and it was rich and resiny with lots of citrus. Juicy, bitter and delicious.

Takes Two to Mango (Indie Ale House) was discovered on the same Big Smoke road trip. Smelled like mango and lemon and it tasted tart and fruity with a little spice at the finish. I liked this a lot.

Illiterate Librarians from Sarnia's Refined Fool Brewery was a recent LCBO find. There was a malty and fruity aroma with a wee burst of citrus. More pine than grapefruit on the tongue. Resiny and bitter.

A revelation was Absent Landlord, a  'Country-style' Kolsch from Cowbell Brewing in Huron County that got panned on Rate Beer for not tasting like a traditional Kolsch, which made zero sense to me because the brewery said it was a different take on the style and because it was AWESOME. This beer had flavour. It smelled of grains and spices and tasted surprisingly smooth. It was tart and fruity with some caramel for balance. Fantastic.

Bronan, from High Road Brewing of Toronto, was another surprise from a pre-Hip concert visit to Beer Bistro in downtown Toronto. There was loads of tropical fruit and some sweetness on the nose in this one. Resiny and juicy, with pine and some dankness. Juicy and dank at the same time? Impressive.

Half-Bastard, from Nickel Brook, was another LCBO find that stood out. Almost a session Stout at 5.3 per cent, with a frothy, milkshake-like head with coffee and dark chocolate on the nose. Tasted like cocoa, coffee and roasted malts, with a bit of dark fruit as well. Tasty.

Cheers!

Craft Beer Day at the Track and the Day Peggy Sue Christian-Ann Got Married

"Stick around for the fourth race," said my pal Jason. "The number one horse is a sure thing."

It was going to take a hot tip like that for us to stick around because I had dragged the J Man down to Ajax Downs to watch some Quarter-Horse racing under false pretences and he was getting pissed.

See, Jake was looking forward to a lazy Sunday at home watching the Rocket League Championship on his phone (after a busy previous day in which his mother got married) until I dragged him out of bed at the ungodly hour of 11:30 am and told him we were going to a casino so get dressed.

"I'm too young for a casino," he pleaded. "I'm not going there to play the slots,"  I answered. "We're going to watch some horse racing and you're allowed out there. In fact, they encourage families."

"But this is the championships," he said. "I can't miss this Dad."

"Not to worry," I countered. It's a casino. They'll have Wi-Fi."

Quarter-Horses: the sprinters of the horse racing world

So I got him up and dressed and out the door and headed west to Ajax and the racetrack, which holds Quarter-Horse Racing every Sunday and slot play 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Not exactly a 'Casino,' in my mind, but whatever. We were going for the racing.

And for the beer. It was Craft Beer Day at the track and there was a full-fledged beer festival going on, with seven breweries and a cidery in attendance.

I may or may not have mentioned this bit of intel to Jake.

Jake won't mind, as long as he can watch his Rocket League, and what self-respecting casino wouldn't have Wi-Fi, right? Right?

(I hear you asking, "what the hell is Rocket League?" I didn't know either, so I asked Jake. "It's like soccer, but with cars," he explained. It's a Gamer thing.)

So the first question I asked of the first security guard we encountered when we arrived was about the Wi-Fi, and of course he said no. "As God is my witness," I said to Jacob, summoning my best Arthur Carlson, "I thought casinos would have Wi-Fi."

To his credit, the J Man sucked it up and tried to enjoy himself - his tournament was an all-day affair and I said we wouldn't stay long - and we headed out trackside to watch the first race.

Ajax Downs mascot AJ

Quarter-horses are like Thoroughbreds but a little bigger and more heavily muscled. Thoroughbreds run a mile or longer; Quarter-horse races are much shorter - the longest race on this day was just 400 yards - and are run straight down the track with no turns.

In the equine world they are the equivalent of Usain Bolt and Andre De Grasse and the races are fast and exhilarating.

The concourse had its charms as well, and the $1 price tag for the 5-oz beer samples was certainly agreeable. Too agreeable, as I bought ten before realizing I couldn't actually drink ten, with my adult responsibilities and all.

No problem. I'll just give half of them away.

I enjoyed an ESB from Henderson Brewing of Toronto (tasty) and a 12 Minutes to Destiny from Flying Monkeys (raspberry!) and our first wager ($5 on I Am Perfect - who wasn't - to win in the third) before bumping into Jay, a former work colleague I haven't seen in a while.

Jay is an avid track guy and is at Ajax Downs every Sunday. He gave me some tips on betting, we chatted a bit and I gave him a couple of beer tickets and then Jake and I did a tour of the place. That's when I ran into Tom, my horseshoe opponent from the previous weekend's fun and games at Brian & Sue's place on Lake Couchiching.

Small world, huh?

I talked with Tom and his wife for a bit and gave them three beer tickets (three left!) before we headed back to the track and the beer tent area.

I hit up the Lake Wilcox booth for their Black Hop IPA (my only IPA on the day) and I tried Cameron's Amber Red Ale before Jake reminded me that I had promised him we would head home after that third race.

It was then we saw Jay again.

"Stay for one more Glenn," he said. "It's a sure thing."

Jake looked excited about the prospect of a 'sure thing,' so I went over to the betting window and plunked down nine whole dollars on Jj Maxwell, a seven year-old with nine career wins who went off as the second favourite at 3-1.

I had my final beer - a Pale Ale from Bobcaygeon Brewing (apt, considering I would be going to the Tragically Hip concert three days after this event) and we found spots on the rail to watch the race.

The speed of these animals is impressive and they were past us so fast it was hard to tell who won. I know who didn't, though. Jj Maxwell - the 'sure thing' - finished fifth.

But on the bright side, we made it home in time for Jake to watch the Rocket League Championship final and see iBuyPower - his favourite team - win the title.

And Dad is back in his good books. For now.

Wedding Days are Great Days

The day before Jake and I went to the track we were in Richmond Hill, along with the rest of our family, watching his mother get married.

And I was the Official Photographer.

I probably told a dozen people that fact in the weeks leading up to the marriage of my ex-wife Christian-Ann to Frank, mostly to see the reaction I would get. Just the fact I get along with my ex surprises some people, while the fact that I'm cool taking pics of her on her special day is another thing entirely.

Christian and Frank cutting the cake

Fact is, I'm proud of our relationship. We share custody of Jake, our last school-age kid, and we get along very well. Better than when we were married for the most part, which I'm sure goes a long way in explaining why she was getting re-married.

Christian is a great person and so is Frank and I was very happy to be there for both of them on their day. And I like taking pictures and this photographer gig gave me a chance to be charmingly intrusive and with a nice digital camera instead of crappy cell phone cameras to boot.

But enough about me.

The wedding was a low key affair held in the party room of Frank's sister Marisa's fancy-pants condo and the crowd seemed almost evenly split between the families of the bride and the groom. Which is shocking, considering Frank is Italian.

The ceremony was simple and beautiful and featured, in addition to the vows, my granddaughter Allison showcasing her gorgeous singing voice.

The reception, however, was an opportunity for people to let their hair down a bit. I took a ton of pictures, but the camera got passed around some as well. My brother-in-law Anthony, who works in the movie business and is a waaay better shutterbug than me, took a turn for a while. So did my oldest son Matt, though he was into the Budweisers by then so I can't vouch for the quality of the shots.

Matt was also in his heyday meeting Frank's boys - his new step-brothers - and the trash talking was amusing and quite epic.

The day also marked the world premiere of Knife, a YouTube horror short conceived and shot by Allison's sister Lauren, who is all of nine.

The kids. Stick 'em in the blender and you get family

It was awesome, and even movie man Anthony said the pacing was brilliant.

Such a wonderful day. I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

I was driving so I just sampled a couple of little plastic cups of white wine and at about 10:30 I found the J Man and we made our way home.

And the pictures turned out great.

The Really, Really Awesome Long Weekend

I stood at the end of the dock, my toes curled around the last board, staring at the inviting waters of Lake Couchiching.

I've done this a thousand times at a thousand docks all around this great province and my method of entry has always been the same: I just dive right in. This morning, however, I hesitated. In fact, I remained rooted in the same spot for ten solid minutes.

Was I afraid of giant pike biting off my toes? Was the water too cold? No and no. The answer was far simpler. It was the morning after Brian and Sue's Annual August Long Weekend Bonfire/Party and I was hungover as hell.

It was the capper on what was a awesome weekend for me.

But it didn't exactly start off that way...

Crystal Meth and Car Safety

I was doing my part-time delivery job on Friday night, with a couple of days dog-sitting for my daughter in rustic Millbrook awaiting me and the J Man when I was done (with the bonfire party to follow), when I got a Jimmy Guaco's call in downtown Oshawa. I parked in a municipal lot right across the street, although - and this is an important distinction - not directly across the street as I discovered when I was inside the burrito restaurant.

My car - foolishly left unlocked - was just out of my sight.

That fact proved to be important as I was approached by a crystal meth head/part-time hooker as I was leaving my car. I noticed her when I pulled in the lot as she was two rows back, staring at her reflection in the side mirror of a car that most certainly was not hers.

She poked her head in my window and mumbled "can...can I help you?" I said no, I'm good and walked across the street, not giving her a second thought. When I  returned to my car, I found my console wide open and a small ID holder containing my bank card, one credit card and my driver's licence, missing.

Excellent message

And there was my Crystal, still in the same spot, staring at her reflection in the side mirror of the car two rows back.

"Were you in my car?!" I shout as I walk over to her. "No," she said, all angelic-like. "Are you missing something?"

"Yeah, some ID that's not going to do you any good. Look, sweetheart, you were the only one out here," I mutter, trying to keep my anger as well as my frustration at my own stupidity in check. "Who else could have done it?"

"It wasn't me, I swear," she insisted. "But I'll help you look."

I waved off her offer, told her to beat it (she returned to the car mirror), and started looking through the mess on the floor of my car, not expecting to find anything. But after a very short search I found it hiding under the canopy of bank receipts and napkins.

I must of walked out when the heist wasn't quite finished, or perhaps it was someone else entirely (not likely) and she was an innocent bystander. In any case, lesson(s) learned. And because I couldn't be a hundred per cent sure it was her, because I found my stuff and because it's best not to piss off the street walking community if you can help it, I apologized for accusing her as I drove out.

I think she said something like "Hmmmph." I know she was still looking in that car mirror.

She sees everything, that girl. Including her next mark.

The Long and Winding Road and Starry Starry Night

The road to the classic-looking farmhouse on the road to Peterborough shared by my daughter Adrianne and my son-in-law Greg, their beautiful kids (there's usually at least five at the house, including three of my grandchildren), and their two dogs is long and winding, just like this paragraph.

Dark, too, when you take an unfamiliar route with just one headlight.

My GPS told me to take a series of country roads in Durham Region's extreme north-west that would eventually take us to Highway 115, just one exit south of Adrianne's cut-off.

All these roads were dark and my night vision ain't what it used to be, so I was at the mercy of the darkness whenever I had to shut off my high beams. Which was more often than I liked.

The night sky looked sorta exactly like this.

The bends come up awful sudden when you can't see, I can tell you with some authority. That's valuable information I am passing on to you, so make sure to get your headlights in proper working order. Oh, and lock your doors in downtown Oshawa. I learned that too.

In any event, there was a lot  of "slow down Dad!" and "don't hit that fox Dad" before we eventually made it to the farmhouse, located about 20 kilometres southwest of Peterborough and just a couple of clicks from the village of Millbrook.

And as I got out of the car I looked up and was immediately struck by the beauty of the night sky. So many stars! With the lights and pollution of the city left far behind, the celestial bodies took advantage of their opportunity to shine. I hadn't seen a sky like this since  I stood in the middle of the northern Australian outback in '89.

It was a beautiful thing.

A Squirting Akbash, Serena Ryder and Butter Tart Beauties

I should introduce the dogs Jake and I were 'sitting' on the long weekend.

Duchess, a friendly Black Lab is the grand dame of this household, having been in Greg's family for years. Hunter, on the other hand, is the new kid on the block. He's half Akbash, a Turkish livestock guardian breed that can weigh upwards of 130 pounds, and is already the size of Duchess at just eight months.

Both have spent time at the Third Floor Loft in Oshawa but this was the first time dog-sitting them both and all went well until I checked in on them at bedtime (mine) on the first night.

They were nowhere to be found, but one of them, and possibly both, had left calling cards.

The dogs. Mostly they're adorable

There was shit everywhere. There was shit in the middle of the kitchen. There was shit at the back of the kitchen. There was shit under the table. There was shit ... okay, there wasn't any shit on top of the table, but there was shit to the left of me and there was shit to the right of me. And all but one pile had the unmistakable texture of chocolate pudding.

One of these damn dogs had the squirts but which one? And why was there one offering that was 'normal' in consistency?

One of those answers came to me when I found the dogs, who were both hiding by the back door with guilty looks plastered all over their adorable faces. No doubt in my mind that the second dog saw all that squirting going on and wanted in on the action.


Anyway, I shooed the dogs outside, cleaned up the mess, brought the dogs back in for the night and went to bed, where I slept the sleep of angels.

I've suffered with the omnipresent humidity that has plagued Southern Ontario for the entire summer (especially the Third Floor Loft), so the cool country breezes were a blessing I cherished both nights we spent at the farmhouse.

As I write this they were the only cool nights I've experienced all summer.

I rose early to let the dogs out, where I discovered both ♫who let the dogs out♫(me) and which dog had the bowel issues (Hunter). I thought for sure it was Duchess (sorry girl), but one look at poor Hunter squatting and squirting on the back lawn every five seconds was enough evidence for me.

I felt bad for the pup.

Downtown Millbrook

Jake and I fed the dogs and spent some time with them through the morning, and we were just getting ready to go into town when I poked my head in the kitchen and found SHIT EVERYWHERE. Again.

It was under the table, around the table, in the front of the kitchen and in the back of the kitchen and everywhere in between. But after seeing the look on Hunter's face it was pretty hard to get mad at him, so I shooed the dogs outside and once again cleaned up after them.

Jake, by the way, stayed  far away from this operation.

With the kitchen swabbed down and Hunter  promising he'd be good while we were gone (I could see the sincerity in his eyes), the J Man and I ventured down the road a piece and into the village of Millbrook, home (as the sign proudly declares) of singer/songwriter/pop star Serena Ryder.

Millbrook's only celebrity

The downtown is just one block long but its history is well preserved. The architecture is gorgeous, there is a thriving theatre community (4th Line Theatre) and the butter tarts at the Pastry Peddler (which has  two local breweries - The  Publican and Smithavens - on tap) are matched only by the beauty of the staff.

But the pizza place I sourced out online was vacant, so I took Jake back to the farm, told him to take the dogs for a walk and went back on my own to look around the village. I found the grocery store (Foodland), a pizza joint (Bewdley Pizza) and a local bar called Mo's Tavern.

That's Mo's as in Maureen (who was outside  on the patio when I walked in), though they're not afraid to reference Moe's Tavern from The Simpson's in their bar decor. I would too.

Serena Ryder

So I whiled away a half hour or so in Mo's while my pizza was cooking, drinking a Molson Export (at least it was an ale, I told myself) while  chatting with a few locals about almost meeting Serena Ryder, the curious and controversial case of funding for parents with autistic children, and who has the best BBQ in town, which, I was told, was the guy sitting on my right.

Then it was back to the farm and Jake and the dogs, with a really expensive but also really, really cheesy pizza, which I enjoyed with a few Naughty Neighbours (the beer) and a Fat Tug or two (also beers).

We enjoyed an incident free afternoon and evening (the dogs got walked a lot) and our final night's comfortable sleep, interrupted at 5 am by Hunter, who let me know in no uncertain terms it was time to go outside.

We made it out the door just in time.

The Bonfire, Brian & Sue, Couchiching and Tom Barlow

I was part of a party crowd at Humber College that threw some wicked-ass parties, and my friend Brian threw some of the best. And on Sunday morning, after I dropped Jake off in north Oshawa, I was headed to one.

Brian & Sue's Annual Bonfire and Party, in fact, which has been going on for the past 15 years or so, which makes me think "where the hell was I for the last 14?"

I'm kidding, of course. Life gets in the way sometimes when you want to maintain friendships, but thanks to the magic of Facebook, we hooked up last year and have been chatting ever since. And I did get an invite to last year's bonfire as well as an 80s Here Comes the Sun Reunion earlier this year (I told you they threw wicked parties) and couldn't get away to attend either one.

Our hosts Brian and Sue, along with fellow
Humber pal and social media superstar Jim

I wasn't going to miss this one.

Toss in the tranquil waters of Lake Couchiching, some stellar musical talent at the bonfire and Sue's legendary lasagna, and well, it was going to be a fantastic day.

The drive up Highway 12 was problem-free and I arrived just after one, offered my "has it been more than 30 years?" hugs and tossed my stuff in my spacious accommodations, aka the trailer that served as Brian & Sue's 'cottage' for the early years.

And then jumped in the warm waters of Couchiching (known to the locals as 'Cooch') to get myself ready for the party.

First, though, there was the matter of the Floral Park Field Day activities. I was signed up for the Horseshoe tournament and Jim, another college chum (and my roomie this weekend) and I took on Kwan and Denver in the first round.

We kicked some serious butt, but to be fair, it appeared Denver had never played the game before and as for Kwan, the best part of his game was his smack talk.

He talked trash all through the match and continued chirping in the shoe toss (I think he finished last) and tug-of-war competitions. He was even talking smack the next day to his young son regarding the finer points of jumping off the dock.

A great guy, that Kwan. I hope to see him next year.

Proof I was there.
Participating and stuff

Anyway, the second match in the Horseshoe tournament didn't go as well as the first. We stayed with our challengers for the first half of the game - I hit my only ringer of the day early in the match - but they pulled away late, with my opponent, Tom, doing most of the damage with singles and doubles to close it out.

Next year.

The bonfire, which got underway just before dark, was the highlight of the weekend for most of the residents of the community, with upwards of 100 people jammed into Brian and Sue's backyard. The set-up, complete with stage, was fully mic'ed and the crowd heard a few songs from the opening act (led by Bryan with a 'y,' who has been doing this so long he commemorates the one year - a decade ago - when he didn't attend), before settling in to hear the feature attraction, recording star Tom Barlow.

Tom, who has been described as having a bit of "Van Morrison soul and Bruce Springsteen honesty" and is best known for his 2003 hit 'Walk Away,' played a set of mostly old favourites, with a few songs standing out. There was Brian, our host, joining him on stage - harmonica in hand - for a raw and bluesy version of 'Bo Diddly,' and there was a rousing rendition of 'Fat Bottom Girls,' in which a trio of slightly inebriated women (including Sue's pal Jessica) sang backup vocals. Jessica punctuated the song by pulling Tom in close for a hug and then grabbing the mic and proclaiming she just "jizzed" in her pants.

You had to be there.

The  highlight of the set was the final song, an original piece called 'I Live While I am Still Alive,' written to honour Sue's brother Wally, who was a noted musician in his own right and had collaborated many times with Tom.

Sue with friend and recording star Tom Barlow

It was a catchy tune to those like me who didn't know Wally, a former fixture on the Bonfire stage who died five years ago. But most people listening were regulars at the annual event and knew all about Wally, with the song resonating particularly with Sue, who was near tears.

It was a beautiful moment.

I tried to pace myself so I could party until the bitter end on this night, sticking to my Naughty Neighbour pale ales (4.9 per cent) for the most part. I did share a bottle of Rochefort Trappiste 10, a much sought after Belgian brew, and I'd like to tell you that I shared it with one of the many  beautiful women at this party, but that would  be a lie, as I ended up sharing it with a well travelled Englishman named Antony, who was here on holidays.

I think he appreciated it.

Despite my efforts to stay the course I couldn't get rid of a headache that had bothered all day so I was trailer bound by 2 am.

Next year I'll try to be there for the long haul..

Early to bed (relatively) meant early to rise and I was up before the crack of nine cleaning up the yard and I was soon joined by Jim, and  together we put all the bottles and cans away and headed inside to put coffee on and see if we could rustle up some grub.

We were in the process of doing that when we heard a series  of grunts and groans - particularly groans - followed by the sound of unsteady footsteps coming down the stairs.

It was Sue and she was hurting. Bad. Which didn't stop her from immediately firing up the stove and getting the first round of breakfast underway, nor did it stop her from smiling like the rest of us when we heard a series of grunts and groans - particularly groans - followed by the sound of unsteady footsteps coming the stairs.

Brian was up, and he too was hurting.

Us, on a lazy, hungover Holiday Monday

It was during breakfast that Jim checked his phone and discovered he had footage of most of Tom's set, including the final song.

That news made Sue very, very happy.

"I guess you have an invitation for life," I told him. "Not to mention a job as social media Champion for this and all future bonfires."

He's in.

The rest of the day Brian and Sue and their houseguests - me, Jim, Kurby, Mark and his son Nick - spent chilling on the deck, catching some rays and jumping in the lake whenever it got too hot.

I hated to go.

It truly was a really, really awesome long weekend.

Cheers!

If you want to hear more from Tom Barlow, check out http://www.barlowonline.com/  for music from his latest album, The Fire, which was released August 11 at Toronto's legendary Horseshoe Tavern.